Monday, 14 October 2013

Do i blame me or do i blame God???

At this point in my life i'm struggling with church and all that goes with it. You see when i was homeless and rootless i was capable of maintaining my relationship with God, now that i'm settled i struggle with it all. I'm more than happily married to a wonderful woman who really makes my life complete, and i struggle with the grace that has been shown to me. You see i'm fairly self deprecating and i realise that i'm the luckiest SOB on the planet. But what do i do with the fact i'm struggling with what i call my faith, you see i'm not distant from God because of him but i'm missing something from what i class as my Christian life. God never moved from me i guess in all honesty i have just got bored with Church, the whole process and structure has bored me rigid, is that because of me or my denomination? over the past few months i have so desperately wanted to leave Methodism in the dust, because to me the whole broad church thing does not work, but a few ministers who i trust have told me i'm needed, which is nice but it's not enough for me at this point in time. The churches i minister in are wonderful and appreciate my honesty in the pulpit, and tell me so. But i'm struggling like a boat without an anchor in a storm, i'm just not feeling it anymore. My prayers have not gone unanswered and they are being answered regularly with God proving himself time and again. People are being blessed because of my faith and that means something. But i'm just struggling to put it all together, my heart tells me that those people around me who have helped me ( Pam Richardson, The Noronahas, Bob Hyde, Tom Osbourne, Mark and Sharon Gilborson, Pete Pillinger and Anna Flavell) deserve me to make a fist of this and complete the work God has given me to do, but can i be bothered?. You see Church has never been important to me, when i was homeless i maintained my faith by witnessing to the glory of God even tho i was living on the streets. And that is where my problem probably lays you see i have always been fairly independent as a person and as a Christian that is not a good thing because like it or not i have to rely on God. But when i had no ties i was able to do what i felt God wanted without fear of the church people having a go at me about what i did because i just did not care what people thought ( yep i'm bad) now i have to be sensible and tow the line to a certain degree and that hacks me off big time. You see one of my problems with church and it's structure is that certain things are expected, but for me i have no real desire to follow the norm, i'm not that sort of person. I sing in a kicking Rock n Roll band (ask Tom Osbourne) and i do not fit what society thinks a Christian should be. You see i'm getting fed up with the claptrap that makes up church and stops people coming to faith, reality is what matters, not some structure that is actually going to push people away from God. Where i am at present is waiting for the right time to probably walk away, sit at the back of church on Sunday and let the good folk whom i love get on with it and just do my own thing as the people i deal with don't want to know about CPD or CHURCH councils, what they want is a reality in faith, something that connects with them and makes some form of sense not just a religious idea that alienates. My biker friends, my inked friends, my muso friends mean the world to me, they help me, they show me and need me. It may come to the fact i walk away from Church but  i will never walk away from God no matter how stupid it seems or how hard it becomes, church is part of it but i have always been a follower of JESUS first and foremost and a church goer second. This will probably upset some people and for that i guess i have to say sorry, but i have to follow my heart and that is a different matter. Years ago Bob Hyde sat with me when my life was falling apart, he listened and loved, in those moments he taught me so much about Jesus, not church, not structure, but about faith and that is where i am. 90% of my time is spent with non christians and i love it, and i have a good example in my best friend and saviour JESUS.

Monday, 7 October 2013

That metaphorical line.

We often hear the term they/ we/ such and such have crossed a line, even Obama used it with regards to the atrocities in Syria, but where is this line drawn? You see we all have a different idea on what is right or wrong, there are universal things we could probably all agree on but having said that i'm not certain it could happen. You see some people find swearing or nudity in art unneeded and will switch off or not attend a gallery because of it, personally i have few problems with bad language in art or in life, but those are the circles i move in and the people i interact with use those sorts of terms, obviously if it's tv you just switch off or change channel but you cannot do that in real life unless you stop interacting with those people. My line is the N word i don't like it and have used it only twice in my entire life and one of those was in context but it still made me feel dirty. We will have different ideas but what if those lines we draw take us away from a society we are meant to interact with, is it right to separate ourselves from a hurting society because they use terms or cross the lines they do? personally i think the answer is no, we stay and put our sensitivities to one side and try and interact and influence those around us. Years ago one of my closest friends had a real problem with the Simpsons and refused to watch it i have no idea if he watches it today at all, now if he does it is a change of heart and opinion he has had. That brings us to another difficulty, as society changes and what is acceptable changes do we change or stay the same.
One of the questions we need to ask is this, is our own line moveable or static? does it reflect us, society or God does that line enable or inhibit, does it make us better people or worse people? as the line is different for different people each of us will have a different view on it and how we apply it. It maybe as simple as switching channels or turning of the radio, it may mean we have to swallow our pride to achieve something greater than our own opinions and our own ego's. Society changes and will continue to change in some ways thats good in other ways it's bad because things we all hold dear may crumble and fall, what we need to do is stand up for what is right and that is a whole new ball game because just like the line our opinions of what is right will differ greatly.