On Saturday i attended another wedding (seems to be the year for them) especially as Pam and i are getting married in October this year. This wedding was very nice, a bit posh and they still let me in. But while i was stood in the grounds of the hotel some kids were playing Cowboys and indians, using sticks as guns and whooping and hollering. At one stage a boy ran unto his dad and said look after my guns, and handed him the sticks. His dad said "are you being John Wayne?" the boys reply was "who is John Wayne?" This got me thinking about my own son and what he knows of me, my heroes, my faults, those things i like. If i mentioned John Wayne to Jacob he would in all probability ask "who", but if i mention Jimi Hendrix, Brian May, David Coverdale or any host of bands he is right there explaining to me why they were so good or are so good. music has always played a big part in our lives, he regularly "borrows" dvd's cd's etc and sometimes they do get returned (hint hint) you still have my Whitesnake dvd.
But what does he really know about his dad, my hopes, my dreams for myself and for him. In all honesty very little, our relationship was formed in the furnace and turmoil of my divorce from his mother, his ideals especially when younger were shaped by what he was told about me by other people, and most of that was bad, well bad is a fairly inadequate word to describe how i was, but it will do for this purpose. He has seen me drunk, seen me stoned seen all that was bad about the old man, and if truth be known i still feel bad and guilty about it. He on the other hand never stopped believing i would come good, that i would rediscover my faith, and as he puts it, get back with Jesus and start kicking the devil in the head.
Our relationship is now very different, he sees me as a friend, i view him as one of my best friends, we laugh we joke, we share a lot of the same tastes, he never fell far from the tree. I see how he is growing in God and i'm amazed at it, amazed that again this year he is going on his second mission trip to the former eastern block.
God is a God of the supernatural, a God of healing, not just illness, but also hurt, anger and pain. Jacob and i rarely discuss the bad old days, we are both philosophical about it. But we do discuss what God is doing in both of our lives, he rides me for being in a Methodist church i ride him for being Pentecostal. But we have a bond forged in fire, and built in love. What do you see when you look at God? is it a big stick wielding ogre, or can you see the love he has for each and every one of us. Your view of God will impact on your walk with him, will stop you coming into a full relationship with him. The fathers heart is leaning towards you, and is aching for you, hurting for you. Maybe it's time to shut up and listen to that heartbeat and see what can be accomplished